Years ago I was in the middle of horrible frustration, pain, guilt, shame and agony with the place that I had come to in my life. My behavior and decisions had led me to this place. I felt that there was no way I could be rid of the past and actually have a future.
I was learning that God loved me, and was beginning to accept that fact. I could not see, however, that there could be any kind of future for me because of all the damage that had been done as a result of my idiotic and insane episodes of self indulgent chaos.
Friends were gone, family gone, reputation gone! Even my low self esteem and lack of self worth were shattered. I felt I had no worth at all left!
But still, somewhere deep inside me, was a whisper of God’s love for me. For me! How could that be? In the face of utter destruction and despair there was a small voice, quiet but clear. “I love you, and it’s not over…it is only beginning!”
Very hard to grasp. Very hard to believe. Everything I had been taught and learned was about doing the right thing to earn your reward. God will bless you if you do right! If you do wrong…well isn’t that evident! I was reaping my rewards. Punishment.
But I heard the voice.
Swelling inside me slowly was the notion that maybe I didn’t know what I thought I knew about God and who he is and how he works and what he does. Could he at least give me a hope for a future? Could things ever change?
Just thinking that God had not thrown me away was such a new thought. Imagine grace and mercy being part of his love and who he is instead of something you can earn!
As I struggled with changing perspectives about God, and then of course about my crummy old controlling self, I saw something else that would change my ideas again.
In Genesis chapter 1 verse 5 in the second half of the verse it says “and there was evening, and there was morning-the first day.”
Evening and morning…what? But then it dawned on me. God’s perspective is different, and he is the creator. I guess he should know.
Our days go from morning till night! God’s day begins in the evening and continues through the morning. The Jewish day begins at 6:00 in the evening..
Our endings are God’s beginnings! When I think it is over, it has just begun!